Strategic Couples Counseling for Raleigh, Cary, Apex, Morrisville and Fuquay Varina NC by Dr. Bryce Kaye, Couples Counselor & Author
Dr. Bryce Kaye
Author of the popular book about couples counseling and relationship 
healing - Read more about Dr. Kaye's book.
As seen on WRAL-TV:
Watch Dr. Kaye explain what's really going on during destructive conflict:
Watch Dr. Kaye explain a useful tool for anger management during conflict:
Watch Dr. Kaye describe how you can improve anger management after a conflict:
Strategic Couples Counseling is Active and Direct
"Strategic couples counseling" is active and direct unlike the passive listening performed by some other couples counselors. Whether it's individual psychotherapy or couples counseling, I work with a logical plan on how to help you to achieve your goals. I believe that you deserve more out of counseling than just being heard and supported. As a couples counselor, my active style is to teach you different strategies to gradually change your emotions and emotionally driven behaviors over time. That way, you can grow to become the person or the couple that you want to be.
So that you can better understand my approach, I have placed an incredible amount of useful information on this website. If you seek couples counseling, then read the book chapters and about the different syndromes that I've placed on this page. I believe it's good to help yourselves with better understanding even if you don't come for couples counseling.
Check to see if your relationship suffers from one of these common relationship syndromes. (Click on each symptom for a more detailed discussion)
Role-Bound, Emotional Starvation Syndrome
Both parties have evolved to interact with each other like business managers, going about the business of managing everyday life but without mutual play or sentimental affirmation of each other. Special time is not allocated for intimate talking. No significant effort is made to share intimate time away from parenting roles. Each party feels "taken for granted." Arguments flare up about small control issues or events that are interpreted as indicating a lack of appreciation of each other. Couples counseling that focuses only on fixing problems will miss this syndrome.
Pursuer - Evader Syndrome
One party is more comfortable with the expression of intense feelings. The other party dreads intensity, especially heated conflict. The person who dreads intensity finds ways to emotionally withdraw by finding responsibilities to take up their time. The other person sees their partner withdrawing and reacts by aggressively pursuing contact. They often intrude by expressing their resentments in a derogatory manner. The pursuer/intruder may also openly interpret the withdrawing party’s feelings and motives. The withdrawing party reacts by withdrawing further. The pursuer feels like they are being driven "crazy." This is a very common syndrome seen in couples counseling.
Initiator - Dependent Syndrome
One party (the initiator) has somehow wound up with all the responsibility for planning the fun part of the relationship. The dependent party may be very responsible in their job role. However, when it comes to family or relationship activity, they look to the initiator for ideas. The dependent party is "easy" and ready to agree. The initiator feels as if they have another child for a partner. They miss the excitement of another perspective besides their own and they feel lonely although they may cover it over with anger. Couples counseling will often not be able to rebalance the relationship and individual therapy may be necessary if one partner is too regressed.
Delinquent Helper Syndrome
One party (the "task-master") has somehow wound up with all of the responsibility for overseeing the household chores. The other party often doesn’t "help". The task-master frequently reminds the delinquent helper what needs to be done. The delinquent helper often forgets if they’re not frequently reminded. This can often be addressed in couples counseling if both people are willing to work.
Unproductive Conflict
The couple starts a conflict over a specific issue but soon escalates to general blaming behavior. Past misdeeds are raised up in an attempt to invalidate the other. Nothing gets accomplished and the couple retreats from one another with much hostility. This syndrome does not refer to conflict which threatens violence or actually becomes violent. Couples counseling can teach good emotional management for this problem but individual deficiencies sometimes have to be addressed in individual therapy.
"Sneaky" Spending Behavior
One party is trying to reduce spending to live within a realistic budget, the other party is often unmindful of what they spend. The less mindful person may not be forthcoming about what they buy.
Conflicting Levels of Sexual Interest
One party wants it more, the other party wants it less. This does not refer to syndromes in which there is emotional conflict or emotional alienation affecting sexual interest. Rather, this is merely referring to different levels of sexual drive. Couples counseling can treach tactual strategies for managing these differences.
Non-violent Raging Behavior
In a conflict situation, one part is more likely to yell and scream before retreating in a "huff." In some couples, the rager may disapprove of their own behavior but feel helpless to prevent it. They may try to avoid conflict situations altogether. Couples counseling will often be insufficient to treat an emotional regulation problem. Some individual therapy may be required for this problem.
Click Here to watch Dr. Kaye discuss some important relationship truths.
To listen to Dr. Kaye disuss the hidden causes of most relationship problems that are often ignored by many couples counselors, Click Here.
These chapters from my book will give you a deeper understanding of what causes communication to break down and what you can do about it even before couples counseling. (Adobe reader is required. You can download it at http://get.adobe.com/reader/ )
Contents
Introduction
A few words about why and how this books was written.
Chapter 1 - The Great No-No
This chapter illustrates how our own fear of shame is the greatest obstacle we have to face if we want to improve an intimate relationship.
Chapter 2 - The Structure of Vital Relationships
Love based relationships do not have as much stability or resilience as do integrity based relationships. Ths chapter describes the strong foundation of a relationship that can stand the test of time even without couples counseling.
Chapter 3 - Balance and Paradox
A vital relationship needs to be dynamic and not static. Opposing needs and emotional states must be kept balanced over time. This chapter unravels the paradox.
Chapter 4 - Nurturing Healthy Attachment
Relationships must be fed. It's not enough to just feel. This chapter explains the fundamentals about how attachment needs can be effectively met. Couples counseling that focuses on problem solving alone will usually be unsuccessful.
Chapter 5 - Love's Hidden Assassin
A very common relationship killer operates far below our awareness. It leads to the numbing loss of attraction and affection. Couples counseling will often not address this problem which often requires an individual approach.
Chapter 6 - The Other Usual Suspects
This chapter outlines the other most common relationship killers observed in couples counseling..
Chapter 7 - Freeing and Strengthening Your Hedonic Self
If you're starting to numb out and lose attraction, this chapter suggests what you do to start resuscitating the part of yourself that's going dormant.
Chapter 8 - Defending Autonomy
This chapter gives you tools to ward off covert inhibition that might otherwise strangle your affection.
Chapter 9 - Managing Conflict
This chapter describes various forms of constructive and destructive conflict. Tools for appropriate management are provided. In couples counseling you can learn how healthy conflict actually helps a relationship.
Chapter 10 - Sharing Power and Authority
This chapter contains helpful tools for negotiating chores, structuring finances, and dealing with in-laws. These topics are easily handled in couples counseling.
Chapter 11 - Great Sex
This chapter describes elements that foster great sex as well as some guidelines on how to get there.
Chapter 12 - Mapping Your Strategy
This chapter discusses planning for change.
Chapter 13 - Conclusion
Addendum: Message to a Daughter
Glossary
Read the on-line advice given to hundreds of couples about their various problems.
Read some of my technical papers and about some other therapies that I do in addition to couples counseling.
Read about my style as a couples counselor.
Read my articles about intimacy and boundaries.
Read about our private couples counseling cruise at LoveOdyssey.net .
Learn about the strategy behind our intensive couples
counseling cruise.
If You’re Interested
I encourage you to compare all this information with the writings of other couples counselors to ensure that your choice reflects the best fit for you.
If you want to explore the possibility of selecting me as your couples counselor, I usually recommend one session and then you can go back home to think about it. One session is usually enough time for me to give you feedback about a recommended strategy for couples counseling. To schedule a meeting time, call me at 919 - 467 - 1180. You can also email me as well but please be advised that emails cannot be considered strictly confidential. My office is accessible from Raleigh, Cary, Holly Springs, Fuquay Varina, Morrisville and Apex.
We are a proud link partner with the internet's premier self growth website:
